Yeah, so I delete my blogs a lot.  Most of the time I end up writing because my brain is full of questions that I'm not very good at asking/answering.

The reason I deleted it last time was because I started blogging on alt.com.  But then after the first entry I ran into the same problem again.  I don't like people I don't know reading about my sexual experience/fantasies.  I'm not a dirty whore that's willing to do it with anyone sporting a good boner.  But I still like to be sexually honest/open around people that I know aren't creepy and easy to be around.

And I've become apprehensive when talking about family--don't always get the response I'm looking for.  So then what is left to talk about?

I had a fucked up weekend.  The weekend before that was even worse.  My friend and I got busted for possession of marijuana and will have to appear in court next month.  We will probably get a fine and maybe even have a record for 1-2 years which we can try to get a pardon for afterwards.  Of course if we're ever caught again, we're fucked.

I could talk about how my life seemed to spiral down in only two days, but it's not a topic that gives me much joy.

I don't want things to quickly spiral in one direction or the other anymore.  I'm only 20 and I'm ready to accept that with good times come hard ones.  I know I was the bad influence on my friend when we first met.  Had I known her as well as I do now, I may've acted differently but that doesn't change things now.

Marijuana is not a violent drug but with my family history I probably shouldn't be smoking it--or at least in this stage of my life.  I probably never really would have given it up.  But I went two months sober until the last week and a half.  I learned how to be happier without it.  My friend wants to experiment with harder drugs and I'm already sick of taking care of her.  I need to spend quality time for myself, cuz I don't think anyone else can do it for me.

I need to end this.  Will be doing some salvaging--hoping things go smoother this way and that my luck will change.